31 Weeks 3 Days

Praise Jesus! I would like everyone to meet Lillian Janine Jordan! Born at 2:21am on October 26, 2010. She is 4 lbs 2 oz and is breathing on her own. It was a miracle to see her come out and hear her cry within seconds. It was music to my ears and brought me to tears. She is a fighter just like her mom who is recovering well from a C-Section. We are so thankful to have all of you praying for us and ask that you continue to pray as Lilly begins her stay in the NICU. God is at work! We are tired and yet very encouraged at how Lilly has come to be with us. We can't wait to let her meet all of you and see the wonderful group of people that cried out to God on her behalf. Thanks again, I will write more soon when I get a chance.

Please continue to pray for Keri's post operation recovery and even though Lilly is breathing on her own her lungs are slightly underdeveloped and need to mature. Blessings.

30 Weeks 3 Days

Family and Friends,



There is a piece of paper with a list of statistical outcomes for preemies that was given to me by the neonatologist when I was 23 weeks along. I look at it every time another week goes by-- well if I'm really being honest I look at it more than that. Right now Lillian's statistical survival percentage without major brain and eye damage is somewhere between 97% and 99+%. As a "glass is half empty" kind-of-gal, sometimes all I see is the 1%-3% of babies that don't have good outcomes. My heart so desperately wants the 100% guarantee that Lillian will be a healthy baby. I don't want another list of outcomes based on research, I just want the guarantee! As parents we all want this for our children. We want them to be healthy, we want them to choose to love Jesus, we want them to make good decisions, we want them to be safe, and we want them to live long, happy lives. But, still there is no guarantee, and often times that is where I get stuck.

However cliché it may sound, the only guarantee we have is in Jesus Christ. It's a horrible thought, I must confess, but the "Hope we have in Jesus" often times just seems like not enough. It feels like there should be more. Trusting Jesus does not guarantee us life without pain, or hardship, or loss, or suffering or a life where everything works out just as we imagine. Crap. On the contrary, Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33. Well, it a verse that isn't exactly comforting but at the end of the day, it is truth to stand on.

Last weekend I was having quite possibly one the worst emotional moment I've experienced so far. Unfortunately, Dave got the brunt of it (it's a good thing I married a pastor because he has a moral obligation to forgive me JK). Anyways, I was so overcome with the loss of the control, grief, fear, and disappointment that I just buried my head in my pillow and let the sobs flow. I cried out, "Lord, please just deliver me! Deliver me from this nightmare!" I kid you not, the next moment my phone rang and it was another patient in the room next to me wanting to chat. I told her once I had composed myself I would wheel over. We had been trying to schedule a meeting for about a week and I had been praying for God to provide the perfect moment. God is funny. I looked like a train wreck, but nonetheless I went over to her room and we began to visit. What I learned in the next two hours is that she is no stranger to this game. She has had a very long road with her children. Her first born son was delivered at 32 weeks and has a rare syndrome where he is deaf and is fed through a feeding tube. Now, she is 26 weeks pregnant with her second son and her water has broken spontaneously. While I was sitting there listening to her tell her story, I thought to myself, "This isn't how I imagined this meeting unfolding." What I pictured was being her sounding board; a shoulder for her to cry on...basically I pictured myself as the hero coming to her rescue and offering her support, not the other way around. God humbles us.

I had asked God to deliver me and He did. He didn't deliver me in the way I wanted, but He delivered me out of that moment of despair by allowing that conversation with my roommate to take place. I am thankful for that.

Today's ultrasound showed that Lillian is continuing to grow. My amniotic fluid level is still low but stable. She weighs an estimated 3 ½ lbs! I am currently at 30 weeks and 3 days. She is still in a breech position, so a C-section is planned for the Monday of Thanksgiving week. Wouldn't that be an appropriate time for her to come!


Our sincere love, gratitude and thanks,

Keri, David, Avery, Reese and Lillian.

29 Weeks 4 Days

I have been spending a lot of time lately on my own with my kids. I love hanging out with them, they have so much energy and are always doing things that make me laugh. With Keri in the hospital I have had to bring them to a lot of things that they normally would not attend. Last week I was helping with one of our church's baptism services. I needed to bring the kids and asked a friend who was also going to be there to help me with watching them. She happily agreed and away we went. Five minutes after we arrived I was busy in preparation and looked up to check on where my girls were at. One was in the arms of a wonderful woman who has loved our kids since we moved here and another was running and playing with another family who have a son her age. I stopped to think for a second about how much trust was happening naturally in that moment. It is not very often that you recognize the moment you grow in your understanding of something, normally it happens in reflection after the fact. But in that moment I felt a deeper connection to the idea of dedicating your children to God. It is easy to say the words but I don't know if I really understood the idea of dedicating anything to God. But in my reflection of late I have looked at how much I have had to let go of my kids. Out of necessity they have had to spend time with the church and, surprisingly, I am comfortable with that. If I was honest when I said, "God my kids are yours," then I have to live like they are His. That means trusting Him with who is with them and who is teaching them. Just another lesson in this long season of lessons. My faith is being challenged on multiple fronts. It is my prayer that I can willingly allow people to come into the lives of my children and pour out some of their story, in order that God may grow them into the women He wants them to be. Thank you to all of you who have obeyed the leading of the Spirit in being with Avery and Reese. Because God is moving in you He is moving in them. It is our honor to walk with you. Blessings.

Please continue to pray for Lilly's lungs to develop properly. Also Keri is beginning to experience an extreme amount of pain in her joints from being in bed for so long, please pray for relief and that physical therapy will be effective.

Update

Dear Family and Friends,



Baby Lillian and I are approaching our 8th week in the hospital. Thank you for praying for us and our family-there is no doubt that your prayers are part of our perseverance. I had an ultrasound yesterday that showed everything is moving along with no new developments. It seems as I progress in my pregnancy I come to a better understanding of my medical condition.
That being said, I would ask you all to take time and pray specifically for Lillian's lung development. Because my water broke at 21 weeks, Lillian hasn't had as much opportunity to develop her lungs, as my amniotic fluid has been low. Babies take "practice breaths" in the womb by breathing the fluid in and out. The positive news is that I've always had some fluid and I was given steroid shots to help stimulate the process of her lung development. Call it naïveté, but I have been so focused on gestational age that I haven't given her lungs that much thought. I have been heavily burdened with this issue as of late.



Dave and the kids are well. My precious mom comes up every other week to help out (that's an understatement) and many friends (you know who you are) are blessing our family by taking care of us in practical ways. I am doing okay-trying to be thankful for the blessings of each day. Lately though, I have been feeling like the journey is getting harder not easier. To help with this, I'm trying to maintain good communication with my doctors as well as keep correspondence up with friends and family.



Once again, "Thank You" is not enough to express our gratitude. We hope to return the blessings you have so richly poured out upon us.



All our love,

David, Keri, Avery, Reese and Lillian.

28 Weeks 3 Days

Does life ever get blurry for you? I feel like the last two weeks have been some sort of supernatural time flux from one of the shows on the Sci-Fi channel. It's weird. Maybe I will soon run into a random undiscovered genius who will explain this event with his deep understanding of alien wormhole technology. Then again, maybe not. Most likely life will continue to be stressful in the way it has been. We will continue to go through this wacked out routine we have and we will continue to pray into having a healthy baby girl. I keep trying to say, "when life slows down we will...", but have come to the conclusion that life is not going to slow down. It will just change the way it is moving fast. Like changing lanes on the freeway, it may be a different lane but you are still going 60 miles per hour. Okay, 65 (integrity moment). Then a really scary thought came, will there be harder moments then this? Probably. So this season of, The Birth of Lillian, (nice title) is a challenge for us to grow in our ability to persevere. "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything," James 1:4. I really like the mature and complete part, and the not lacking in anything sounds pretty dandy. But the perseverance finishing its work is really hard. I mean there are no deadlines in there. When will the work be finished? Do I get a memo or a certificate? Can I put it on my business card, "Pastor Dave Mature, Complete and Not Lacking in Anything". I need to shorten that, "Pastor Dave MCNLA". I would almost feel like a doctor, but better because I would have more letters. Maybe that is the point, becoming mature and complete is a lifelong process that only an entire life can bring about. So we ask God for the wisdom to persevere that we may receive the crown of life and bring glory to our Father in heaven.
Lilly is still looking good, Keri is doing a great job. We continue to covet your prayers and can't thank you enough for all of the visits, cards, meals and love you have poured out on us. Please keep praying that Lilly's lungs would become mature and that she would be able to breath when she is born. Blessings.