23 Weeks 3 Days

A lovely woman named Paula just left us. She has worked in the NICU for over 30 years and was here to inform us of what Lillian's life will be like in the weeks following her birth. We are at the beginning of a very long road. We have been asked to discuss and decide at what point doctors will stop trying to save the life of our daughter. How do we do that? I can't even write this without a tear coming to my eye. But it is a very real possibility that in the next few weeks we will have to look a doctor in the face and say Lillian has had enough and let her pass. Paula will be back tomorrow to put a plan of action down on paper for them to follow when Lillian is born. My desire is that I get to hold my daughter and watch her grow up and laugh and play with her sisters. And yet my plan can not be more than, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." I am struggling to find peace in that. This is a moment in my life when I do not understand the actions of my Father in Heaven. As a child I want to use the words "But Dad..." I am praying for a strengthened faith in this moment so that I can trust in God to guide and lead us through these heartwrenching moments. Keri and I continue to covet your prayers. Every day we get counts and is a precious gift. Lillian is still hanging in there and, today, is continuing to fight the good fight. Please pray for guidance and wisdom tonight as Keri and I discuss a plan for when Lillian is born. Blessings to you all.