Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Drinking Deep
I was amazed while walking through an olive grove in Israel our guide told us that some of the trees we were seeing were around in the time of Jesus. As we walked through the garden it was amazing to see and think about what it must have been like 2,000 years ago. I couldn't help but think of Jesus in the Garden praying to His Father with such passion that He sweat like He was bleeding. I don't know if I have ever connected to that scene in as real a way as the last several weeks (see previous post). A friend told me this morning as I was sharing about my life that I am having my time in the Garden. Which scared me. Who am I to have an experience like that. I don't want to have an experience like that. It didn't sound fun the first time I read it and it didn't look fun in Isreal and it is not fun now that I am living it. I read in Luke "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." My heart is breaking at the weight of life now and I can only imagine at what the literal weight of the world must have felt like on Jesus. This cup is full of something that I fear I can't begin to describe the difficulty of. I will drink. I don't want to, and maybe it is a good thing that I don't know the details of what this cup is full of but I will drink. That night in the Garden so long ago was agonizing and obviously one of the hardest moments in Jesus' life on earth. There are moments in life when all of our talk, all of our teaching and all of our glorious causes come down to "will you?" or "won't you?". Here I am Lord send me.
#5 Update
June 23, 2010
Dearest Family and Friends,
Yesterday David and I went to see the perinatal specialist. It was very informative, but overall the news was very heavy and hard to hear. Please keep in mind that as I try and relate all this information to you, it is still very new and we don't understand it all to its fullest measure.
I have a large subchorionic hemorrhage/hematoma. This diagnosis explains the bleeding I am having. Sub chorinoic hemorages are actually common in a normal pregnancy; they appear sponatenously then resolve themselves relatively quickly. However, in my case the hemorrhage/hematoma is not spontaneous: it continues to be growing over time. Thus, the hemorrhage /hematoma is causing a section of the placenta to appear partially detached from the uterine wall. This could cause problems as my pregnancy progresses as the connection between the uterine wall and the placenta (the connection between me and the baby) is paramount for fetal growth. The positive news is that so far the baby is growing at the expected rate and I am stable as well. The specialist's overall concern is my body's ability to carry the baby to a viable state (able to live outside the body), thus increasing her concern for the overall health and well-being of the baby.
The recommendation for moving forward (as we are) is to continue to monitor the baby's growth, the growth of the hematoma/ hemorrhage, and my blood levels (overall blood count, etc). In the event that at some point the fetal growth appears to be affected, then David and I have some difficult decisions to make. In the event that the baby continues to grow as expected, but the hemorrhage /hematoma does not resolve itself, the specialist could foresee me having to be hospitalized for blood transfusions, as she does not expect my body to be able to bleed like this for an extended period of time without a transfusion. She said that so far the trajectory that I am on appears unfavorable for carrying the baby again to a viable state. My understanding is that at 26 weeks the baby is or can be considered viable, but does not mean that the baby wouldn't have serious complications (she mentioned blindness, Cerebral Palsey, a myriad of issues).
The best case-scenario is for the hematoma hemorrhage to cease growing and I stop bleeding. We are prayerfully hopeful for this! This is a tremendous unexpected impact to our family. It is difficult to even have words to express the weight of the situation. David and I are taking one moment at a time, allowing God to truly lead us and guide us through His perfect wisdom. Of course, we would greatly appreciate your continued prayers for our family and for the future. This is bringing our faith to a whole new understanding of who God is. We say, we believe that Jesus is the giver, the author and the perfector of life. Now it is time to believe and trust that His words are true. Although I have many concerns, I have chosen the "peace of God that surpasses all understanding." Now I know what that really means.
Currently, the girls and I are in Oregon visiting our families. In about a week we are heading over to Sunriver for a much-anticipated vacation! I am looking forward to seeing all the grandkids play together, getting some sun, laughing with my sisters, eating great food and enjoying my children in a whole new light. There is no adequate way to say how much we love each and every one of you, how grateful we are for your words of encouragement, your prayers and your practical ways of showing up when we need you most. We will continue to keep you updated as we learn more about our situation.
Enjoy your summer! Now get out there and laugh!!!
Love love and more love,
Keri, David, Avery, Resse and Baby Jordan
Dearest Family and Friends,
Yesterday David and I went to see the perinatal specialist. It was very informative, but overall the news was very heavy and hard to hear. Please keep in mind that as I try and relate all this information to you, it is still very new and we don't understand it all to its fullest measure.
I have a large subchorionic hemorrhage/hematoma. This diagnosis explains the bleeding I am having. Sub chorinoic hemorages are actually common in a normal pregnancy; they appear sponatenously then resolve themselves relatively quickly. However, in my case the hemorrhage/hematoma is not spontaneous: it continues to be growing over time. Thus, the hemorrhage /hematoma is causing a section of the placenta to appear partially detached from the uterine wall. This could cause problems as my pregnancy progresses as the connection between the uterine wall and the placenta (the connection between me and the baby) is paramount for fetal growth. The positive news is that so far the baby is growing at the expected rate and I am stable as well. The specialist's overall concern is my body's ability to carry the baby to a viable state (able to live outside the body), thus increasing her concern for the overall health and well-being of the baby.
The recommendation for moving forward (as we are) is to continue to monitor the baby's growth, the growth of the hematoma/ hemorrhage, and my blood levels (overall blood count, etc). In the event that at some point the fetal growth appears to be affected, then David and I have some difficult decisions to make. In the event that the baby continues to grow as expected, but the hemorrhage /hematoma does not resolve itself, the specialist could foresee me having to be hospitalized for blood transfusions, as she does not expect my body to be able to bleed like this for an extended period of time without a transfusion. She said that so far the trajectory that I am on appears unfavorable for carrying the baby again to a viable state. My understanding is that at 26 weeks the baby is or can be considered viable, but does not mean that the baby wouldn't have serious complications (she mentioned blindness, Cerebral Palsey, a myriad of issues).
The best case-scenario is for the hematoma hemorrhage to cease growing and I stop bleeding. We are prayerfully hopeful for this! This is a tremendous unexpected impact to our family. It is difficult to even have words to express the weight of the situation. David and I are taking one moment at a time, allowing God to truly lead us and guide us through His perfect wisdom. Of course, we would greatly appreciate your continued prayers for our family and for the future. This is bringing our faith to a whole new understanding of who God is. We say, we believe that Jesus is the giver, the author and the perfector of life. Now it is time to believe and trust that His words are true. Although I have many concerns, I have chosen the "peace of God that surpasses all understanding." Now I know what that really means.
Currently, the girls and I are in Oregon visiting our families. In about a week we are heading over to Sunriver for a much-anticipated vacation! I am looking forward to seeing all the grandkids play together, getting some sun, laughing with my sisters, eating great food and enjoying my children in a whole new light. There is no adequate way to say how much we love each and every one of you, how grateful we are for your words of encouragement, your prayers and your practical ways of showing up when we need you most. We will continue to keep you updated as we learn more about our situation.
Enjoy your summer! Now get out there and laugh!!!
Love love and more love,
Keri, David, Avery, Resse and Baby Jordan
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