Doc Hageman

Last weekend we went to pick up our Christmas Tree. We heard about this place a few miles away that let you cut your own trees, also we were told that all the proceeds from the tree sales went to Children's Hospital. So the four of us packed up on Saturday morning, and left Saturday afternoon, just kidding getting ready to go with a 3 year old and a 10 month old usually takes longer than the outing itself. But we had set aside the whole day for this and we would not be deterred. The sign for this tree farm is about the size of a sheet of paper so we didn't spot it until the third pass, and after much debate among the adults, decided on which driveway to turn into. As we came to a stop out from behind a greenhouse, with a seasoned gait, comes a gentleman who says "Welcome, please walk around and take your pick, and remember that every dollar goes to Children's Hospital." I knew that was the case before we went but it was just cool to see this 92 year old man doing the best that he can to make the world a better place. I started thinking more about this in light of the Christmas season and realized that Doc is the embodiment of the Christmas Spirit. In his effort to do all that he could to provide for the least of these, Doc fulfilled what Jesus has asked of each one of us. The true spirit of Christmas is found in the giving of ourselves for the benefit of others. In His incarnation Jesus gave all that He could in order that we might live. God loves to give gifts, and in the giving of His Son He gave the greatest gift of all. I took a lesson from Doc Hageman, the Christmas Spirit is found in giving the best of myself for the love of others. He lives this out with his tree farm. God calls us to live this out in our lives.

Sold

November 17th, 2008. House Sold! I don't know how to express the feelings and the weight that has been lifted. A great line from one of my favorite movies is, "someone been through what I been through they are supposed to learn something, I'm wonderin what I learned?" You pray for something for so long that it just becomes a part of your daily routine, a part of your life. So much so that when that prayer is answered your life looks and feels very different and a little like swiss cheese. I don't mean this in a bad way but, how do I take something that I have prayed about for so long, say "thank you" and just move on? How do I learn from this blessing, by blessing I mean not just the answer but the entire experience? "Thank You" my put a period on this season but will I retain the lessons of sustained prayer, peace during stress, faith in despair and humility in blessing? In this great blessing, this is now my prayer, that I would not forget how God has grown me and use that growth to build the body and equip those around me to grow in the same way.

Learning

So our house still has not sold. It has been 15 months now and every time the end seems in sight something comes up to delay the closing. Reflecting back on this time I realize that the traditional definition of stability does not apply to us. I believe that we are a stable family and yet financially we don't fit any definition of stable. How do I reconcile that? Beer. Just kidding. It is so easy to find stability in things like health, homes, clothes or food but even though those are essential, are they truly stable? I have to answer no because I have been sick, homeless, naked and hungry which proves that traditional stability will fail me and leave me floundering. There has to be something that will not falter or waver. What we build our hopes and dreams upon has to be something that us unchanging and solidly foundational. Hopes and dreams do not grow if at times their roots are pulled out of the ground and tossed around forcing us to start over. That is cyclical living and I believe we are meant to be on a journey that goes somewhere and does not end up back where we started.

Journey

So I was thinking about the difference between teens and adults the other day and I came to a revelation about them that I believe has to do with the experience of their lives. I think we have to meet adults on their journey of life but I think teens need to be challenged to begin theirs. Life is not cyclical, it moves from one point to another. When I was in High School I could not wait to "grow up" so my life could start. It did not cross my mind that I was already fully engaged in life at the start of my journey. I believe that realization would have allowed me to make wiser decisions regarding experiences that I chose to have before I was ready. By so badly wanting my journey to begin I lost sight of where I was already at. And that was sin because I stole that time from God and was not bringing Him the glory He deserved while I was in High School. The journey that we are on is one of redemption and relationship, redeeming a sinful nature to the holiness of Jesus and nurturing an intimate loving relationship with a Father in heaven who loves us unconditionally. You are on this journey right now, no matter your age

The Puddle

So last week on Tuesday morning I woke up in a puddle. It was supposed to be sunny and blue skies on Tuesday and I was expecting to make my way up to a nearby peak and view the Cascades in all their splendor. We had hiked in the night before and the weather seemed to be turning in our favor but the night time was not a nice time. I woke up early and very wet in a four man tent that we had managed to fit four men into. I am sure that tent companies find the smallest men in the world when they designate how many people should fit in their product. I wonder how Paul handled the issue? Anyway, I climbed out of the tent and there was not a dry spot for miles. Sitting there wet, miserable and cold I could not help but reflect on the craziness of ministry. Serving God will place you in situations that seem unbelievable.
As the boys emerged from their tent they were still laughing and being boys despite the weather. I thought the trip was in danger of being a complete disaster and the boys not getting anything out of it. But I realized as I watched them that the Holy Spirit is so much more in control than I am. I was concerned about the weather and the uncomfortableness of the situation, but I know that He was concerned with the hearts of those boys and they were kept joyful and content during this time. I found peace in the wisdom that once we are in God's will what needs to happen will happen. God continues to be good, have faith in that.

Time

I just got back from vacation. My wife and daughters had left two weeks ago and I was to join them for the second week. During that week I was not with them my 5 month old and my 3 year old decided to grow up. When I was little I don't remember making giant leaps in skill and maturity. Maybe I was slow. But I show up on vacation and my 3 year old hops on a bike and takes off and our baby is eating food. How can I value every moment as God wants me to? It would be easy to fill every minute of every day with a multitude of things. We have all been entrusted with many things to be responsible for, but how do we prioritize those responsibilities? The song says, "I don't want to miss a thing." Is that possible? I miss things due to selfish decisions, professional responsibilities and mismanagement of my time. I am reminded of the poem Footprints where God is walking with a man on a beach and the man looks back at the tracks in the sand and says, "how come during the hardest moments of life there is only one set of tracks?"
"Child, I love you and would never forsake you, the times you only see one set of footprints are the times that I carried you."
God is not one to miss things and is so tuned in to our lives that He even catches us when we fall. It eases my mind to know that when I fail and miss those moments in my daughters lives God is still right there with them walking in the sand.

Quiet City

This last week I had the opportunity to go away for two days and spend some time on beach. The human heart seeks stillness. I tend to make my life loud enough to drown out the yearning of my heart, but it is there, quietly calling for solitude and peace. How can we bring that message to the city? Henri Nouwen says that, "silence is the home of the word." Which on the surface doesn't seem to make sense, and that shows me how busy and loud I continue to keep my life. Before a word is spoken there must be silence. Our world and culture are continually trying to shorten the amount of silence that is necessary for words to get to our ears. Which is why it is rare for us to hear anything intelligent today. What if we thought more before we spoke? Would we be at war? Would gas cost $4.29 a gallon? Would the world think better of us as a people? Would kids get hurt? Would families stay together? I think a good law would be to think quietly for 5 minutes before we speak. How uncomfortably glorious that would be.

Today

I don't know how to describe it. When I am stressed out about planning and other not so important things I get mean. I don't like it. I can feel myself being short with people and saying things that I don't mean or can be taken badly. Why do I get like that? Maybe it is because I am going gray, or maybe it is why I am going gray. I don't know, but it made me think of Matthew 6:34 when Jesus said, "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today."
How can I live like that? After all Outlook and I are intimate, I can't just break up with Bill Gates like that. He won't understand, and I won't be able to plan out my options for when we might get back together. It is the worship of self to be lost in the future while with someone in the present. I fear that I have missed what the Holy Spirit has for me because I am too focused on what might or might not happen in the future. I believe that Jesus wants me to focus on the moments that I am in so that I don't miss opportunities in the here and now. We can't think so much about being Jesus in the future that we forget to be Jesus right now.

Feeding Kids

A few weeks ago I got to participate in something wonderful. God used me to feed a child thousands of miles away. He used CCF student ministries to feed hundreds of kids thousands of miles away. The experience of being used by God is very hard to describe. There are many feelings and thoughts that bubble up during an event like the 30 Hour Famine. For some the thought of not eating for 30 hours is too scary to even entertain. For others it is not a problem at all. While it was cool for us to experience what many go through every single day, what is really cool about an event like this is that it brings out a persons sense of servanthood. It is a humbling thing to ask someone for money to help support kids in another country. I was in a conversation recently discussing fundraising for mission trips and we were processing why it was so hard to ask people to help financially. Culture has told us that money comes after work, not before and that if we want to make money we need to work for it. My question is, does that reflect how God chooses to use money? If we believe that it is all God's money anyway then does it really matter when He chooses to use it or for what purpose. When missionaries ask for support they are not asking for a handout or for an individuals sense of generosity to win the day. They are calling each and every person to the mission that God has called them too. That is a wonderful thing that we can all get behind and support in any way possible. We should always be asking the question, "God what are you calling me into today?" With that kind of heart and mindset I don't think we will have a hard time asking for and giving money too those around us.

Duck on a Pond

I saw a movie once that included a scene where a football coach approached a quarterback practicing by himself in the stadium for an upcoming game.
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"No," answered the quarterback.
"Yeah like a duck on a pond," coach responded.
The quarterback looked at him, confused.
"On the surface everything looks calm, but under the water those legs are going a mile a minute," the coach explained.
My wife and I have received many compliments at how we have handled not having a place to live for so long. While I appreciate these encouragements and am making a solid effort to act as I think Jesus would in this situation I sympathize with the duck. I always know God is trying to teach me something when the tension of life increases. Have you ever noticed that it is not how fast you move in the water that dictates how fast you go? God is teaching me to engage in His rhythm of life and not try to force my agenda on His sovereignty. This life is one big mish-mosh of God drawing all of us to Him. He uses all of our experiences to interact with us in His wonderful perfect way. I know that God used our housing woes to not only teach us many things, but I am sure that He taught many others lessons through what seemed to be only happening to us. In the midst of crisis we can't forget the purpose for which we were created. God uses all things to draw us into deeper relationship with Him. Swim in His rhythm and we won't beat up the water like the scared duck.

The Look

My daughter got the flu for the first time a few weeks ago. As a parent when you interact with your kids you learn a lot about who they are and what to watch for. I learned something new a few weeks ago when she got sick. We had picked up some chinese food and for some reason she had started eating before we did. I think our other daughter was having a minor meltdown and we were attempting to deal with it. Our three year old loves food, she is like her parents in that, and she has always been a good eater. This night was not different she downed a plate of noodles, fried rice and some crab wontons. About an hour later she was playing in her room and I had walked in to see what she was up to, she is known for getting into mischief, and she was just standing there in the middle of her room. She looked up at me with eyes that looked about ready to cry and a mouth that looked very confused. I immediately picked her up, big mistake, and as I was lifting her whole face changed. It was one of those moments in life where time slows and every detail becomes an extremely vivid memory. Her face seemed to expand like a slowly inflating balloon. My parental impulse would not let me drop her even though my mind knew what was coming. It is not right that someone that small can regurgitate that much food. I wonder if God held His nose when He created bile? I don't like vomit, I never have. It is one of those distinctive things that once it is on you it never feels like it is gone. Just writing this is going to force me to go wash my hands. She proceeded to throw up just about every hour for the rest of the night and she did so good. It must be crazy to be three and not have experienced the flu before. I am surprised she did not have a complete panic attack. But we prayed and she did a wonderful job with the whole experience. She never apologized for throwing up on me, with counseling I am working through my bitterness. Now I know the look and it is not one that I will soon forget. Next time I think I just need to aim her better, like not at me.

A Van Down By The River

A place to call home is an amazing thing. I have had a lot of time recently to reflect on how I define home. It has been since September 07 that my family has not known where we would be living long term. I am frustrated. This happens when you try to move into one of the most expensive places in the country to live. As Matt Foley's arrangement has become more and more appealing, I have had to continually evaluate what it means to be at home. My wife and I were talking about this the other day and we had an epiphany, in all the months we have not had a place to call our own there have been very few nights when we have not gone to bed together and there have been very few days that I have not seen my children. In other words, I have been home every night.
I am such a consumer. My sense of home is dependent upon an actual structure to surround me. I feel like I need to stand up at a 12 step meeting and say, "my name is Dave and I am an American."
I have just watched God provide for my family for 8 months and I am still wondering if it will continue. Just because we don't live the picture that American culture tells us we should I am feeling guilty. I have been forced to answer the question from Matthew 6, "do you serve God or money?"
A lot of preachers today are preaching that loving God will bring about prosperity and an increase in material wealth. So does that mean that if I don't increase in prosperity I don't love God? All I have to say is that when the prosperity gospel fad is over I will still love Jesus and preach His good news. I wish I had my own helicopter.

It's okay I Slept Last Month

Babies teach you a lot about what you actually need and what is a luxury in life. For instance; you don't need to own a shirt without a white spit-up stain on the left shoulder, you don't need to share your bed with just your wife, you don't need to sleep longer than two hours, you don't need the use of both arms, you don't need to enjoy a cup of coffee while it is still hot. These are all luxury parts too life. Then there is the first smile and the first laugh and all those things truly to become luxurious. When you fall in love with your baby you serve with a joy and a wonderful sense of peace. It is the same to fall in love with Jesus. When the rest of life becomes luxury and all that really matters is serving Him and loving people as he would. I miss hot coffee.

Birth

My wife is one of the most amazing people that I have ever met. God has taught me so many lessons through her about strength, sacrifice, family, humility and love. The birth story of our second child included all of these lessons, and a large helping of chocolate chip mint ice cream. Pregnancy is wonderful. Three days prior to our daughter being born the family we were staying with had a major medical emergency and needed the space for all of their extended family coming into town to stay. We ended up staying with some more friends who were semi-shell shocked to find a three year old and a nine months pregnant woman staying with them for several days. Pregnant women hinge their entire sanity on delivering on or before their due date. Did I mention that at this point my wife was three days past her due date. Not good. Any time after that magic day and they not only should be avoided but should be excused from anything that may come out of their mouth or thrown by their hands. Finally zero hour came 5 days late. With our first child we had chosen to have a natural child birth. There was lots of screaming and lots of pain and you might notice that when I walk there is a subtle limp in my left leg. Long story short, do not have natural childbirth. My wife is so much tougher than I am. All I can respond with is that I had an ingrown toenail once. Worth mentioning at least. Anyway we chose to go with the epidural this time around. The baby came while we were watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was amazing, the nurse came in, my wife was dozing and told her that she felt like she had to push, the nurse checked and immediately said she would go get the midwife because the baby was crowning. 15 minutes later God introduced us to our second daughter. Having watched the miracle of birth twice now I can only stand in awe at creation and how God created us to be part of this huge community called mankind while at the same time creating the most intimate of experiences as bringing a baby into the world. I can only humbly obey and serve faithfully a God that can bring about such wonder and mystery.

Waverunner Pneumonia

There is something exhilarating about nature, there is something even more exhilarating when you mix nature with a turbojet water engine. Mix that with a bout of walking pneumonia and you have a winning combo that makes up the first event I attended at my new job. It was a great weekend and the easy laid back feeling that all of the students had was wonderfully relaxing. I was nervous about spending three full days with them so early in the job, but it was great to see God at work in the relationship building that took place. It had been a long time since I was in a place where I was at a student event and not worried about what was going on in the church as a whole. Now reflecting back, I think God was trying to teach me that it is not my job to worry at all. It is my job to listen to Him and rest peacefully in His leading. I can't save anybody. Jesus saves. I find an immense amount of peace in that simple statement.

Red Light Green Light

"We would like you and your family to join us as our Pastor of Student Ministries."
With almost a tear in my eye I said we would love to. I had been jobless for exactly one day and it was one of the longest days of my life. I had been back from Israel for a few days and my last day at my previous position was July 31st. We received the call to Edmonds on August 2nd. God likes to watch me squirm. Not really. He likes to teach me to wait on Him. Waiting is such a gloriously cruel term. If we do not learn to wait we act without wisdom. Acting without wisdom forces us to start over and then we get another opportunity to learn to wait. When we finally learn to wait in a certain situation we move forward and grow. I always have to relearn to wait. I learn to wait on God through one season and as soon as the next one starts it is as if I never learned anything. My stubbornness and self-loving mindset kills me every time. I keep thinking of the words to the old DC Talk song, "some people gotta learn the hard way, I guess I'm the kind of guy who has to find out for myself."
I will continue to grow and serve and learn how to love my Father to the best of my ability. He has always taken care of me and He always will. Every day my faith grows with that knowledge and every day. It might help for God to just hit me with a 2x4, consciousness is key to impatience.

Hookah and Holy Land pt II

A sense of hospitality is a great thing. We walked into the tiny shop and were immediately asked to sit down. Eight large men squeezing into a very tiny place, but it would not have been right for us to stand. Shaaban is a man who you go see to get things. When we arrived in the country some of the college employees told us that the best way to get anything was to find what you wanted in the market and then ask Shaaban to go get it for you. The way that he spoke to people was magical, he has a very incomplete mastery of English but it serves him very well. It was amazing how the shop culture works in Jerusalem, if a shop owner did not have something then they would send a boy three shops down to get it for you. We sat at Shaaban's for an hour just talking and asking about different items. All the while he was sending boys to go and fetch the items being discussed. So the best way to shop in Israel is to sit in a shop and drink tea while the shop owner finds what you want. This technique works so well for Jerusalem residents because they are unable to just shop, there is a conversation that has to accompany every entrance to a shop. One of the first things our professor said to us was that we should take the time to talk to the shop owners and not shop like Americans. She was not kidding I had one shop owner take me into the back of his store and showed me his entire family tree. I received a wonderful experience when I was there called Hookah. This contraption breeds community, in case you are wondering think caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, by having multiple people smoke off of the same pipe. One of these comes with about 45 minutes worth of tobacco, they smell wonderful and are very fun. When you walk down the street, we walked everywhere 5-10 miles a day, Hookah and Backgammon were the entertainment options of choice. It was not uncommon to see two men playing a game with 20 others standing around watching.
Have you ever gone into a store and not even made eye contact with an employee there? I think self-checkout is going to destroy something very special in our lives. What a great thing it would be to want to learn about people without expecting anything in return. I am bad at this. Simply taking the time to listen and be a part of the someone else's story is a great gift. I love how Jesus did this. With everyone that He encountered He met them where they were at and showed them where God wanted them to go. Israel is a great place to experience history but it is an even greater place to learn hospitality. Have a conversation with someone at the store today.

Hookah and Holy Land pt. I

Bet She'an was wonderful to see because it has wonderful views of the entire city and has largely been uncovered. It was a good idea not to have to go to the bathroom while away from home because it was coed and you can see in the picture not very private. One of the most amazing experiences of my life was to travel in Israel for 15 days from one end of the country to the other. Eight men went, all involved in ministry and all except one never having been there before. I have always been torn about how to feel when in the presence of great historical sites. For instance in Rome it made me a little nauseous to see people lining up to kiss the foot of Peter's statue at St. Peter's Cathedral. It was just a little to golden calfy for me. Yet there were many places that we went to in Israel that moved me to the point of tears and brought me to a deeper level of experience when I read the scriptures. I think we all had this struggle within us of not wanting to betray the unique fact that Jesus resides within us and not within the buildings and stones we were seeing. It made for some interesting conversation but also for some wonderful experiences.
One night we were sitting on the shore of the Sea of Galilee and Bob, the organizer of the group, led us in a time of prayer for one another. And as we sat there and prayed through the storms in our lives I could not help but think of the storm that took place 2,000 years earlier on the water I was looking at. Fear seemed to fall away as I thought of the disciples frantically trying to wake Jesus, and with a simple command the wind and the waves obeyed and fell away. God became bigger to me than He ever had been before. It was wonderful. Bob then gave us a lesson on a Jewish ceremonial cleansing ritual called a Mikvah. In order to be fully clean a Jew in the first century would wash himself in a basin of clean water, which was water that had never touched anything man made. We thought it would be a great close to our time to have a Mikvah together in the Sea of Galilee. I am sure the others on the beach had not seen many more humorous things than eight fairly pudgy white Americans walking out into the water with their arms way up in the air. Standing in a circle we all submerged ourselves. I am now a believer that there is something to be said for location. We do not need to pursue God through creation and idolatry for God is already in pursuit of us. I would encourage you to allow Jesus to pursue your heart through creation and all of its wonder. (click on Hookah and Holy Land pt. I to see all my Israel pics)

To Go or Not to Go

During the next few weeks the stress of life began to weigh heavily upon us. Communication was breaking down and the killer question of "why God?" was rearing its ugly head. We had a decision to make, several months earlier I had been invited to be part of a group that was sending young pastors to Israel to study for two weeks all expenses paid. Naturally I had jumped at the chance to go, literally jumped with a half-twist. I know you are thinking I missed my calling on Dancing with the Stars. Now out of work and a baby on the way could I still go? Our health insurance was ending 5 days after I was to return which left little time to secure employment and get Keri to the doctor. The trip was going to be a little over 2 weeks long with a stop in Rome on the way back for a few days. I was faced with a choice and not for the first time between something I really wanted for myself and fulfilling my responsibility to my family. I knew what the right choice was and my prayers consisted of asking God to find a way for me to fulfill both duties. I was hoping to hear back from the position I was interviewing for before the trip but that didn't look like it was going to happen. God has a sense of humor. He knew the whole time how he was going to work it out, He had a lesson for me to learn amidst this stress."Trust Me!!!"
Sensing what was in it Keri said that she could not accept.
"Saying that places you squarely between Jesus and what He is working on," which in case you are wondering is not a good place to be. Hint: Jesus always wins.
Reluctantly Keri took the envelope with instructions to open it with me. She found me in my office after church and told me what had happened. I opened the envelope. God is good. He answers prayer. He loves His children. He wants to bless us. I went to Israel. Keri went to the doctor.

Slow Down

"I think we should end the relationship."
Was the phrase I heard two days later at an elders meeting, which is one of the nice ways of saying, "you're fired."
At least I got to turn the tables on Keri a little bit because when I told her that night her response was, "are you joking?"
That phrase seems to be popping up a lot and I assure you this won't be the last mention. I had never been fired before. I don't think I have ever felt more beat down in my entire life. There is something within the soul of a man that produces and innate need to provide. Right or wrong this was a wound that would not easily heal. I felt like I had done something horribly wrong and had just gotten caught. Nausea settled in and I was at a complete loss of how to continue to be a man.
It is times like this when we naturally turn to God for help. Why is that? What makes it so easy to ask God for help in desperate times? Maybe that is it, we don't realized that all times are desperate times. This is part of the lesson that God has been teaching me. I keep waiting for life to "slow" down and become normal. It never does. I constantly need God and I am learning to need Him with the little things. You will be amazed at what God did next.

The Story

I remember it was a wonderful evening. My wife looked amazing and I didn't look too shabby myself. We were having dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant in Tacoma. I was having Gnocchi with meat sauce. It was full of sausage, I am addicted to pork, and had a wonderful creamy texture to it. I had matched it with a wonderful Pinot Noir, needless to say I was content. Keri did not have a glass of wine, she loves wine, I should have known. Our conversation was lively and I was happy because sometimes that can be hit and miss on dates. Then Keri told me I was going to be a father again.
"Are you kidding?", came out before I could think.
A word to the wise here, do not respond to your wife telling you that you are going to have a baby with the phrase, "are you kidding?" You will live longer.
"No, it is true you are going to be a father," she said.
I really have never been a person who gets speechless, and I secretly believe that this was her goal in telling me this way, but I was speechless. We had been discussing having a second child and we were excited to start trying that summer. Apparently we were better at getting pregnant than we thought. She began to cry and I began to look for good words to say. I told her that I loved her and that I was so excited to do it again. Our 2 year old at the time was getting to the age where she needed a sibling and would be a wonderful big sister.
We left the restaurant arm in arm excited about what God had in store for the next chapter in our lives. Phone call after phone call ensued and pretty soon the family was all abuzz with the wonder of creation and the miracle of birth.